Tag Archives: yourself

Realistic Ideality, does it exist?

For some people, ideality creates delusion. They are so persistent about being ideal, having ideal environment, and ideal life. But, they don’t fight for that. They only imagine that it could be real somehow.

When you’re being idealistic, or even a perfectionist, you think you can do anything. But it’s all in your head. You just project it in your head, not in your reality. You think you could do anything, and then you start to expect, from yourself. After that, you start to –the most dangerous thing ever- have some kind of a list, what you need to do to achieve those. Every single of thing.

Those expectations become greed. You want to achieve so much, nevertheless, you need to do so much things. Actually, nobody said you necessarily to do so, but then you make it like some kind of urgency, and take it as your needs.

But then you couldn’t discipline yourself, then you felt overwhelmed. Deep down inside, you barely hangin’ on your own thoughts, “no, i could do this even it’s too much and burdensom”. Even the truth is, you couldn’t, and you don’t need to be the opposite.

That greed creates barrier. Where? In your own head. You limit yourself because of your thinking. Nope, i shouldn’t go out and waste anymore time, i need to do this. But in the end, you’re just exhausted, thinking this has nowhere to go anyway. You want to give up, but then again you challenge yourself. Again and again.

I didn’t mean to undermine your spirit or belief, but, trust me. It won’t end there. (even if you have the state where everything’s resolved, it will again crawl back to you).

Beware of your self greed for achievement, cause the nothingness is tailing you.

Self greed makes you want to attain so much, you want to achieve so much. But you don’t enjoy any of that. Because you make your obsession into a necessity so it changed into a burden.

Realize it. You may have too many purpose or it’s actually no purpose at all.

It’s all because you just count, and you are greedy like the more the better. And then you start to aim aimlessly, without any specific goals, just because the more the better. You counted, for the value of the quantitiy, not the quality.

“I want to be like this”. It’s far much better. Rather than i need to be like this. Therefore i need to do this and that. I need to be cool. I need to be smart, i need to be beautiful. I need to be. Everything.

You’ve done so much. But you’re still feeling empty.

You just have the urge to finish, to cross them across yourlist. While at the beginning, yes, you don’t even need to do that.

You couldn’t be everything. you couldn’t do all the things at once. Do it one in one time, or it’ll haunt you, forever. Or else you’re willing to let go.

Whenever it becomes too much burden for you, and finally you just couldn’t focus on anything, let go.

I dont need to be. I dont need them.

And like the all romantic movie said. “Hey, you can actually stop being necessary. You can have your rest. You’ve done enough, you’ve done your best.”

“now you can be anything that you want. Without having to consider anything what they said. Even what your own expectation says”.

Let’s just be realistic, be something real. It’s not about counting anymore. Not about what will you lose, or what will you attain. Just because you just dont want to sacrifice any. But in the end, if you still insist, you lost. That’s my warning.

Listen to your heart, they said. Like i even question about it that much. Let’s just be real. Be serious.

You need to be real. You just can’t take everything. And you cant always feed up your ego like what you’ve been doing all this time. You need to know that, becoming everything that you want is all the matter of stepping out from your place right now. You just, could not be anything. And not necessarily to be one, i assure you. But you surely can be one thing. A real thing.

 

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Your own life your own time

When there’s no passion, there’s no life. A routine, doesn’t it sound so boring?. Repeated action for several times. Maybe then you felt like it’s gonna be like this, unless you change something. There’s nothing new. And then you feel that your life’s nothing. As an introvert who struggles maybe when you watch their lives, those people, you start to feel the nothingness. I don’t know for a real reason that the vacant grows so strong and makes you feel you are so weak. Vulnerabilitiy of the state of mind. I think there are two possible things that makes you feel the nothingness in your life. The vacant. You always try to compare yourself with other’s life or simply just a wrong reason to fight for?.

Comparing is not healthy. For my case, everything has became worst since the existence of instagram story. Like okay we can mute several stories or just being curious about what they are doing. Ig story makes place for showin off. People tell about their lifestyle, habits and their existences. As you do with yours. You are lookin for a meaning and creating a good post basically just for the existence’s sake or maybe just want to share things in your life. In several cases, i keep comparing my story, my friends, and people who i admire most. If you like to observe people behaviour and lives, unconsciously you may envy other’s life. It seems nice to have that kind of life. Unlimited happiness. To be in those kind of circle, be with people who are also have a powerful stories. I really like people who do much in their lives.  I keep striving to be like them, to have the life they have. And once again, it’s not healthy. As an introvert who struggles, maybe you also try to find existence. You keep trying but still onto that point. It makes you want to be somebody else. And again, it’s not healthy. It’s not even healthy mentally, your life’s decision and consciousness will also be influenced. You are then not your own self. And in the end, you feel that you are just nothing.

The point that i try to emphasize here, for we all know, comparing our live, with theirs is totally not healthy for we all know. But it’s quite addicting isn’t? I dont know for you, but i really like life stories. But sometimes like i said it’s not good for me. Maybe because naturally i have that kind of competition feelings. But for other reason that’s push you to the life you desire.

Another case is about finding a wrong reason. People do something for a reason they fight for. Sometimes you heard them saying about every decision has their own reason, and you’ll get what you want. Eventually. But then what reason did you pick?. Yap, for some reason the reason does matter. When i decided my every decision is gonna be all about my CV. I did something not because of anything or because i like it, but CV. And guess what? The result kinda off beat. I do have things for my CV, but i didn’t enjoy anything in the process. I didn’t contribute and learn. And supposedly i made the best out of it, but i didn’t. And i felt like what the heck that i was doing? I didn’t do anything in particular. I do have many things on my CV, but there was vacant, again.

Passion and reason are two different things. You may go for a reason without passion, or you may go for passion without a reason. The latter seems more sincere i guess. There’s no need to justify yourself and anything that you are doing with reason, as long as you like it. There won’t be nothingness in passion. Being grateful and being actually grateful are also different things. Be grateful for anything that you’ve become. Not just in your mouth, but then feel it, feel gratitude towards your own achievement. If you like to compare your life with others, then stop it right here right now. Just simply stop watching them. If you feel like your life’s nothing, remember all the things you did. All the achievements. They made you for who you are right now, whatever they are. You are okay as you are, what you are doing is also more than enough. You’ve done enough, and you don’t need to be like anybody else.

Believe it, we have our own time and our own life. Our own story.

(But if you don’t like something than don’t do it, Okay! Be happy in your own way!)

Paradox Essence, another power of personal branding

Personality is a trait that is special. Everybody’s different, and that’s what makes everyone’s unique. I believe that every personality must have their own paradoxes. “Paradessence”, explained by wiktionary, is consisted of paradox and essence, a term that is used in marketing world to explain something which has the quality of appealing to and promising to satisfy multiple contradictory desire.

The first time i heard about paradessence was from Everything we know is wrong: The Trendspotter Handbook by Magnus Linkdvist. Quoting from another author, he expressed paradessence by identifying coffee as something which has stimulation and relaxation at the same time.

I think it really is interesting that actually our own personality has paradoxes. How far a person has their paradox essence of their personality?. Sometimes i try to detect if there’s paradox in my personality, and you must have it too!. It’s not that difficult to identify mine since i really like observing myself. Feeling that you are just in a never ending contradiction within yourself.

Paradessence also could be used for your personal branding. You are the one who knows who you are and your own uniqueness. Embracing your paradessence can be your power. How do you find your paradessence? What are two paradoxical directions inherent in your personality?, at first think of yourself. I think only you who can identify your paradessence. How much your personality is a paradox? Find it out thorough!. Don’t ask other people, you’ll find it eventually. For me, i feel that there’s some kind of feeling like i want to be like this yet i also want to be a contradictary ones. Whatever your paradessences are, you can use it as your own power to make you different, make it your own strong personality that differs you from others, and showing the true personalities within you!.

Baby you should go and Love Yourself <3

Not all those who know me actually know me. I always feel
like I am hiding from everyone. I usually maintain an image that, is not me. A
façade. It happens a lot. I need to be something like, I need to be look like,
and behave like, some standards that I created by myself, for myself. I call it
an idealization. Another verse of me, the ideal verse of myself. It becomes so
complex I couldn’t even tell and feel like who is me and who is not me anymore,
and I need to maintain the façade for everyone. Like I said, an idealization of
myself. Maybe it sounds exaggerating, but don’t worry, I assure you, I am still
sane.

Some night I told my sister about this complex. Maybe she is
the only one who knows me well. I put my pride and reputation within this
façade. It becomes myself. Everything I do if I feel that it’s not supposed to
be like this and if I behave this or that way has a potential to be criticized,
I won’t do that. Moreover, I often feel like I need to do something that I
don’t want to because I feel that I need it, sooner or later. I can’t even do
things that I want, because I have something more urgent, which is not urgent
at all. Then my sister told me it’s all in me. she said, “It’s something about
you. You always try to repress yourself. It’s a wrong thing to let the world
know who you are, and thinking that you should fit into a society by become
another one. You don’t like something but then you force yourself to do it. Don’t
you think that you are so hard on yourself?. To put it simply, you just don’t
love yourself.”

Then it struck me hard. Maybe she was right, maybe it’s the
answer that I’ve sought. (have you ever feel like you repeatedly probing at
yourself but still everything doesn’t seem to answer it?). I realized everything
now. She is, I mean you, who is myself, the one who is a form of my own
idealization always be victimized by myself. Cruel isn’t. I don’t like to put
blame on people or my environment about everything that happen to me. I always
blame myself. For my incapabilities, for my inability to meet my own idealization.
I didn’t defend her and always look down on her. I always ask why did I, why
couldn’t I, this and that, trying to look for blame and never ask for how, how
can we change the situation?.

Therefore, starting from now, I am learning to love myself more. As if a romantic movie, rather than saying that I am sorry for everything I did, I will say that I love you, myself. I will stand with you, accept and embrace you with everything that I have. These are the romantic side that I have, haha. I think loving ourselves can begin by give respect, just be whoever you are, accept yourself no matter what people think and society expects. Appreciate the things that we did, look at the achievements and fulfillment that you ever had, and have a strong mental state. Never ever think, speak, and act negatively toward ourselves and believe in our capability.

Always remember to love your god, family and yourself! If not you, then who?