Tag Archives: values

No Relationship Discourse?

Being in a relationship is a choice. Wether or not you want to have someone in your life, and share your time with them. That goes the same with being single. Here what i mean for being single is not never to marry anyone, but to be with your own self and not in a relationship with having a boyfriend/girlfriend. For me, being single is my choice and it’s actually funny. While most of the people commit themselves to a relationship and they do because they need it, myself here always wonder just what is the point of having a relationship cause i couldn’t see it as a need.

I am in my 20s, a legal age to have a marriage in my country, and it has been 7 years since i am being single. When i am with my friends or meet new people, they mostly talk about relationship. Do you have a boyfriend?, and how was him etc etc… . At first i don’t really like that kind of topic and feel troubled whenever my friends start it but, as i said before maybe i’m just an introvert who struggles, i tried adapting myself by engaged in conversation. Maybbe at first they will ask just do i have one or why i don’t have anyone, and it surprised them. Romance story is always interesting, isn’t?.

Whenever i answer that i am single, their reactions are differ. The elders mostly agree about my choice of being single in this age. “While you are still young, you should explore more, live your passion and always strive to learn. Some of them even directly say that we just need to study hard and no need to think about relationship at all. Your mate will eventually find you. Maybe i somehow agree with that. One of the reason i don’t like to be busy by something that doesn’t matter much for me, and i don’t like being troubled by relationship. Moreover, i think i still want to chase my life goals kind of thing, so relationship is not my priority. Sometimes they say something like this, “ it’s rare to find youngster like you these days”, and i’d be like, rare, huh. Somehow i like how they refer me as something rare, especially i am that kind of people who  don’t like being the same as others, and i too am looking for someone who is the same like me. But in the end, the elders tried to encourage me, to open up my heart, and not be so strict about my criteria. “Because you just won’t know who might it be”, they said.

Those who are around my age instead saying something like it was my fault, that i am too much looking for an idealization, or maybe i’d been hurt in the past, and this or that. Trust me because i am a little bit attractive (:p) (a little bit, not that much haha) so it’s hard to understand just why i am still single because in fact, there are several guys who tried to hit on me but maybe like i said before i am just an introvert who struggles, and i really embrace my solitude, so their presences weren’t strong enough to defeat it. And for the idealization part, i may say that it’s not entirely true but also it’s not wrong. I just laugh when they said something like that. My close friends even bother trying to ship me with someone else, and always givin me more and more dating advices. Hahaha sometimes i found it’s really funny.

In my opinion, the concept of being single is varied, depends on how you want to understand it. Being single sometimes related as being independent, especially for women, and i don’t think i am like that. I am quite dependent on people but i don’t think that having relationship is a necessary thing. So, i don’t agree with the concept of independent single ladies. As i realized it later, i am just a kind of person who tend to push people. I always assure myself that i can do everything by myself, even though in fact, i need support and help from people. Therefore, i pushed people so hard, and not allowed them to get close to me, or knew me any further. And about being single is lonely, i don’t think it’s right but, i do admit that i somehow lonely. I don’t have any specific people that always being there for me when i need someone to hear all of my thoughts and feelings, whenever i want. But that’s what family and friends are for, what else do we need?. Moreover, i just don’t like the idea, someone other than me has the most authority of my time, since i am just that selfish. I want to do anything that i want. I like doing random things, something that most people find it boring, and my taste is just slightly different. If i can find someone with the same hobby and passion like me then it would be so much fun i guess, so i need to find him along my journey and i’m sure i will find him.

I am, an introvert who struggles and just want to be myself and be with my own self for this time. It’s not that easy though. What other people saying and what has been there, in my environment, most people talk about having a relationship goals, and it’s everywhere like in the social media. How sometimes i envy these people, but then i never seem to accept those conditions of a relationship. I’m always saying to myself that, i may not need it now. Sometimes i  wonder, do people having relationship so they can have something like social status, or so you can boast about your relationship in social media?. No offense though, it’s just me wondering.

I didn’t say that being in a relationship is a wrong thing. Most people find their psychological supports from their loved ones, and it s normal. I admit that is a good point of having a relationship. You can support and help each other in any kind of situation. I just want to say that, whatever way you choose, weheter you want to be single or not, it s up to you. If you are with the -no women- like meghan trainor and me, that means we are in the same boat. There is no need to feel insecure or even inferior to others just because you’re not in a relationship. Enjoy your decision, do anything that you like. But still, don’t close your heart too thight. We should be ready for whatever is coming and have faith. Strive to be a better yourself, the choosen one will eventually come to your life.

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An Existence and Social Media

Recently i’ve taken an interest about social media. My last lecture was also about social media, though in another perspective. Sometimes i think social media defines who you are. Some people maybe use it for self branding, makes it as an advantage for their lives. They use social media to sell themselves, in a creative way. Makes live your own passion. But on the other side, it creates your own existence.

An existence which is a self made existence. Through social media you are trying to perceive an existence. Wether it’s actually who you are, or not. Your likes, your post, your live, will define you. When you don’t post, especially in a long term basis people may think you just simply doesn’t exist  “there”. Maybe you are an introvert, socially awkward or an ignorant?. There’s just unidentifiable existence.

That goes the same with wherever you are. Having the urge to have some kind of post-able picture. You forgot to enjoy the moment, instead, been busy collecting moments. Places that gives you credits. Places to show that you’ve been there, fascinating towns, proving something. Another way is about people’s presence. Again, proving something by “show up to show off”. You show yourself up “there” just to prove an existence, that you are maybe a somebody. It defines your community, what you are doing, and the people you are working with. A social life. Strive for a chance to be featured on a post, expressing that you are exist. Is there really much more meaning for all of that? I wonder. I started to feel that social media creates existence, and it’s exhausting. Should we go on diet? Balance the oversharing habit, and overcurious about other’s life.

Put that Hard Work on you

Sometimes you heard something like; hard work pays off, hard work never betrays you, and yet you think maybe we just really need to work harder. Sometimes then you’ll be thinking, why should i do hard work, is it really worth?, will it be payoff, and is it worth the fight?. And then you’ll meet some people with their own best of luck, they can get something without having to do hard work, without having the price to pay. Either a luck or, he/she just smart enough to “cheat”, and it doesn’t seem fair enough for you. Why should i be fighting something that doesn’t worth the fight?.

Even when you had done your hard work, will it even be respected? I mean, like i know respect it’s relative. But then, when someone really try to do their best, does it seems like best to you?. Some people will support your hard work, and the other will just laugh at your hardwork. I just don’t get society nowadays. When you intended to do your best like you’ll be judged as ambitious. Therefore sometimes we hide ourselves telling people that “no, i am not trying that hard it’s hillarious”. Being in the common. While maybe without they are knowing you really are trying your best. I just think that maybe it’s the fault of the society nowadays that doesn’t let us do whatever we want. Those who do hard work always seems pathethic like do you even need to go that far?. Feels like blaming yourselves for doing hard work. Makes you think twice about its worthiness.

Here i don’t mean to discourage people to do hard work. Then, how about doing hard in a cool way? Have you ever imagined that you are actually trying hard without their judgement? I never have the thought of doing hardwork in a cool way. Does being passionately living your life is a hard work in a cool way?. I like to hear your opinion about hard work in a  cool way. Feel free to comment!.

Information Anxiety and the Dilemma of Values

Sometimes there are the feelings when you are a muslim but in the other side, you are also an international relations student. This subject requieres you to be open minded, as wide as possible. But then you have your values, your faith in your religion, what it has been thaught you as a person. Basic principles, and life guidelines. I mean it’s not should be a hindrance in your process, but then sometimes i think that all the process of thinking is not value free. For me, there is anxiety when i read something, a source that i need to rely on, but then there must be bias, no matter what it is. And yet we need to rely on that, because they, i mean common people regard it as a fact. Wether it’s actually counterfactual or not, we may never know. The power relatives in discourse.

You should be glad when actually you have a conservative family. They would filter the facts for you. As a person who should see everything in many perspectives, it won’t be enough. In my opinion, it happens most when there is a, political situation, let’s call it an election, and then one of them representing your religion values, and then the other side talking about realities and facts, calling for people that we should not be bias because of our religion. When you choose the conservative, then you are a radical, and when you choose the other you are a sinner, they said. For me, values come first. Wether you choose to be a secular, it’s your choice. Political preference is a freedom. But i do hope that people respect more. Stop sharing hate comments about each candidate, in my opinion it’s disrespectful. You can criticize, but don’t spread the hate, spread the love instead.