Information Anxiety and the Dilemma of Values

Sometimes there are the feelings when you are a muslim but in the other side, you are also an international relations student. This subject requieres you to be open minded, as wide as possible. But then you have your values, your faith in your religion, what it has been thaught you as a person. Basic principles, and life guidelines. I mean it’s not should be a hindrance in your process, but then sometimes i think that all the process of thinking is not value free. For me, there is anxiety when i read something, a source that i need to rely on, but then there must be bias, no matter what it is. And yet we need to rely on that, because they, i mean common people regard it as a fact. Wether it’s actually counterfactual or not, we may never know. The power relatives in discourse.

You should be glad when actually you have a conservative family. They would filter the facts for you. As a person who should see everything in many perspectives, it won’t be enough. In my opinion, it happens most when there is a, political situation, let’s call it an election, and then one of them representing your religion values, and then the other side talking about realities and facts, calling for people that we should not be bias because of our religion. When you choose the conservative, then you are a radical, and when you choose the other you are a sinner, they said. For me, values come first. Wether you choose to be a secular, it’s your choice. Political preference is a freedom. But i do hope that people respect more. Stop sharing hate comments about each candidate, in my opinion it’s disrespectful. You can criticize, but don’t spread the hate, spread the love instead.

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Words of the week: “Impostor Syndrome in Decline”

Why impostor syndrome tough?

Actually, it doesn’t mean that you are an impostor and you have the syndrome of being an impostor. I mean, a syndrome that somebody really like to deceive anybody. No, not like that. Try to look it up on search engine, like google and i found:

Impostor Syndrome : A concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to  internalize their accomplishments and persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Maybe it’s a concept to describe, a highly used word of a thing. I just want to relate it in a simple term. It’s just i take it as someone who has actually accomplished things that she wanted but then she felt like it was nothing. So she still feel that she has done nothing and incapable.

Have you ever feel like that? The kind of feeling that what you’ve done actually isn’t enough. It’s not big enough, it’s not good enough, it’s just never enough. Anything, everything. You always strive, trying to do good, to have something good, in return for your satisfaction. It can be anything like homeworks, life goals, relationships, and even to-do list. But then, anything that you ask for, just never be satisfying,  it’s just not enough. Wether it’s your goal, or something that you want so badly. You would do anything for that. But then it’s just not enough. Anything that you do.

You end up disappointed. You never feel like you accomplished something, regarding whatever you are doing. You always dream, at first, if i could do that. If i could have done these things. Then okay i will try to do this, and then you actually did it. But then i feel that i did it  just because of the necessity that i need. Because i need to do that. It’s not satisfying, it was burden. I accomplished a burden, and it was not fun.

I feel like i have an impostor syndrome. I try my best to accomplish things that i intend to do. I too am a procastinator. I set up a goal, something that i thought it was necessary for me, for my future because i am a future-oriented person. I wanted to do a thing, and actually did it a month later, like it’s so lazy just to get the f* things done. Finally i did what i said, patiently i learned that thing bit by bit. But then i never felt satisfied by that. I thought it was only necessary for me to do that, so i did that thing. But i never felt like it was enjoyable, it was burden. And then i tried to change that goal, not because it is necessary for me, for the sake for my future but it is something that i want. I’m not trying to tell that having future-oriented goals is a mistake, but it will get you to that point sometimes, but it doesn’t mean to give it up. For me, it was better when i decided to change that, and it works, i feel livelier than before. That’s why i said in decline, because i feel that i’m still making that kind of goals, the future-oriented goals which i feel it is a necessity.

Well actually half ot that, half of me start to cry actually i umm, yes. Most of all i feel so grateful for you guys, for letting me. For letitng me experience things.and all those kind of life. I started to ditch everything that i believe. Like, everything. Started from my korean, my current condition regarding accomplishment and love life, they are striking me. My goals and the ralization they are striking. Like again why? I need to realize just what do iwant, wat i really want. In a contradiction to your idealization, what do you want,, most of all things. But then still, i dont want to give up, like anything. I dnt want to give them up. I love them. My aspiration, my dreams, my necessity. But i never enjoy you. I always feel like you are a burden to me. A burden that i neever be able to accomplish like NO MATTER WHAT I TRY AND WHAT I DO. They are just. A mere, necessity. That i created for the sake pf my blurry future. And i still haven’t fund the answer about what should i do, what i need to do later. And then start to ditch. I feel that maybe i need a break. Of everything. Of them, of you, of my own  mind. My own idealiszation. I told her, i am tred of you. I want to find my own happiness, and i think its not in your way of ife.

Brand new College Life. Gimana sih cara belajar anak HI?

Ya, namanya juga maba ya, jadi ini gue kan masih awal-awal  kuliah. This is my third month being a college student. You can say that I’m still a newbie, haha.  Dan ini ceritanya gue abis uts gitu. Yaa, gue baru mulai ngerti lah gimana jalannya perkuliahan .
Selama ini berusaha nyesuain cara belajara yang enak itu gimana, yaudah gue coba amatin aja dulu sama nikmatin aja dulu nih perkuliahan.
(Nih gue kasih tips. If you want to know cara dosen ngasih nilai, you must understand them and their ways. What they expect  from you, and how they give the scores.)
Dosen gue tuh orangnya kepiteran kali ya, jadinya kalo ngejelasin cepet banget. Dia kan di awal perkuliahan awalnya ngasih pdf gitu, buat bahan bacaan wajib ceritanya, jadi dia bilang dia bakal ngejelasin dari situ. Yaudah gue baca kan tuh, udah mana bahasa Inggris, tapi ya gapapa amanya juga anak HI masa sama bacaan inggris aja ngeluh. Gue kan masih awam, jadinya gue jadiin itu pdf sebagai pedoman gue belajar.

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Tapi abis itu pas quiz sama menjelang UTS gue tuh ngerasa kaya apa yang gue baca ga sepenuhnya keluar. Mungkin gue masih kebawa budaya sma, yang kalo mau ujian ngandelinnya ya hapalan gue, jadi gue sih mikirnya asal gue ngerti materinya, gue apalin isinya ya moga-moga gue bisalah.
Gataunya pertanyaannya tuh dominan analisis gitu. Yaampun..  terus gue bingung kan, tapi untungnya gue jadiin apa yang gue baca sebagai dasar penjelasan gue, meskipun gue sempet lupa-lupa dikit.
Lagian awalnya gue tuh juga bingung, hi itu emang “luas tapi dangkal” (kaya becekan abis ujan), Pegangannya studi literatur, tapi tuh gue ngerasa gabisa dong kita cuma fokus sama matkul pengantar hi doang, apalagi ada pelajaran lain yang jadi matkul wajib fakultas kaya psikologi, politik dll. (apalagi politik). Dan semuanya itu dominan juga matkul studi literatur. Disinilah gue ngerasa tanpa arah gitu hahaha abisnya kan kalo misalnya nih, gue dalam seminggu cuma baca pengantar hi yang dalam bahasa inggris itu, ya gue ga sempet dong mencoba mengerti politik atau filsafat? Atau sebaliknya, gue coba baca setengah-setengah, yaudah hasilnya gue ga ngeti apa yang abis gue baca ?

As the time goes by, I start to understand, bit by bit. What do we need as International Relations scholars? I tried to find out just how are we as the IR scholars, can simply study IR?

The first thing is

You can’t study by only relying on the literatures

Its important but its not enough. By studying the literatures, you’ll understand the basic theories but you need to undertand the cases. Explanations need examples, especially in arguments. Because the cases are important for you to strengthen your arguments, and if you succeed in explaining the theories by giving examples ,it proves that you really understand the theories (Because IR somehow is full of theories).

. You are an IR scholars. “Critical” is the kerword. You must be able to observe, “How does this theory used in IR actual world?”,” Who use it?”, “In what case?”, those are thing that you must frequently ask yourself while trying to understand IR.

If they said “you must know everything” that’s absolutely true

IR talking about cases that happened in the past, and what happened recently. Try to be more curious about what’s happening. As an IR scholars you must be able to argue and give your opinion about the cases. The important things IR mostly talking about are its actors within it, and the events. As you know, the actors are states, IGO, NGO, MNC, and individuals. And there are presidents, laws, and other things that have connections with the actors. Organisations such as United Nations, ASEAN and etc. Events such as conflicts in history, war and agreements which follow it, conventions, and so on.

The point is always “Up Date” your IR news and informations. You can stay update about international news around the world by pay nothing at all. Optimalize your smartphone. Download bbc or cnn or anything as you like to update the International news (I use bbc and cnn apps for news update and The Economist and Bloomberg for articles about International Economy). They are definitely free in app store (since my phone is Android).  Have commitment to read the news at least once per day (its up to you!).

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By staying update to the news you start to understand the cases and you can improve your understanding of IR.

Well, I’m not a genius or a super diligent person, but this really helps me and I’m still trying to stick with my commitment studying IR everyday. Take your time, guys. International Relations is a super fun journey!.

“Daisy” – Kyoukai no Kanata ending

Created by STEREO DIVE FOUNDATION English Translation
Seijaku wo kirisaku you otozureta no wa
Hitsuzen to shite no kaikou bokura no tame ni
Koukai wo nageku me ni utsuru kimi wa sou
Urei wo matotte utsukushiku saita
The arrival, tearing the silence into pieces,
Was a predestined encounter for our sake.
And so, you, with regret showing in your grieving eyes,
You wore your sorrow and bloomed beautifully.
Dareka no seimei ni tokeru hana
Nee kimi ni mo mieru darou
Kitto
A flower, dissolving into someone’s life –
Hey, you can see it too, can’t you?
I’m sure.
Kasaneta ayamachi nurikaeru you
Nando demo ii sa kurikaeshite iku SUTAATO RAIN
Kako to wa chigau asu wo
Futari dake no kibou egaku SUTAATO RAIN
I never say good bye
Itsu datte sou sa
To overwrite the accumulated sins,
You’ve got as many times as you need, from the repeating start line.
Painting a tomorrow different from the past,
Painting hope for just the two of us, there’s the start line.
I never say goodbye…
That’s how it always is.
Keizoku shite iku shoumei to shite no kesshou
Honoka ni yureru hi wo yadoshite
Kousai wo hanatsu mirai yakitsuketa kimi no me wa sukoshi kanashisou de
Take a look into my eyes
Saigo no hitoshizuku wo nugutte
Every time you wanna see call me
Saisho ni deatta ano basho de sa
Continuing crystals to serve as proof,
Sheltering a faintly flickering flame,
Your eyes, emblazoned with a future radiating brilliance, seem to hold a little bit of sadness.
Take a look into my eyes.
Wipe away that final droplet.
Every time you wanna see me, call me,
And I’ll be at the place where we first met.
Chiriyuku unmei ni aragatte
Sou azayaka ni sakihokore
Always
Rebel against the fate that descends.
Yes, bloom vibrantly, with glory.
Always…
Kimi no utau koe to tsunagaru you
Kokoro no oku narihibiita boku no ne
Inori ni ukabu asu wa
Ikiru imi wo kibou ni kaeru kara
I wanna be with you
“To connect to your singing voice,
My sound rings out and echoes deep within my heart.
The tomorrow that surfaces in my prayer
Transforms a reason to live into hope.
I wanna be with you…
Nido to wa nai ima no genjitsu wo
Te ni ireru tame no gisei nante
Kesshite kodoku to ketsubetsu shikirenai
Ima no boku ni hakarenai
Sore demo ii nda
Hibikiwatare inori yo
Kodama suru bokura no utagoe
Issun no hikari wo egaita
Terashidasu ichirin no hana yo
Kimi to futari te wo tsunaide
Zutto itai nda
To make a sacrifice to gain possession of
This present reality, impossible to repeat –
The act is unbreakably bound to loneliness.
I can’t measure that weight as I am now,
But even so, that’s fine.
Echo far and wide, my prayer.
Our reverberating singing voices
Painted a momentary light,
Illuminating a single flower.
I want to keep our hands connected
And always be with you.
Kasaneta ayamachi nurikaeru you
Nando demo ii sa kurikaeshite iku SUTAATO RAIN
Kako to wa chigau asu wo
Futari dake no kibou egaku SUTAATO RAIN
I never say good bye
Itsu datte sou sa
To overwrite the accumulated sins,
You’ve got as many times as you need, from the repeating start line.
Painting a tomorrow different from the past,
Painting hope for just the two of us, there’s the start line.
I never say goodbye…
That’s how it always is.

Source : http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/kyoukai/daisy.htm

*PS : I don’t really like Kyoukai no Kanata, but i found that this song’s lyric is beautiful, in my personal opinion, it is kinda like a poem that’s why i love this song!

“Tokyo Ravens” HarutoraxNatsume – My First Anime Review

First of all, This is the first time i made an anime review, and this is also my first post then i decided to make a review about Tokyo Ravens that i had watched it recently.

Tokyo Ravens, an anime about Onmyoji’s, magic and romance.This show takes place in Japan with world that magic plays major role in it, there are laws to regulate using magic, schools that teach it, onmyo agency that acts as police force to keep magic issues under control. The main character in the story is Harutora, young man who was born from a prestigious Onmyoji family, the Tsuchimikado bloodline, but he cannot see “spirit power”. However, his childhood friend and also his cousin, Natsume, which is a girl of the head family was rumored to be the rincarnation of A genius onmyoji and visionary who had appeared in the midst of the Great Pacific War and would be known as the father of modern Onmyoudo, Yakou Tsuchimikado.

Basically, i really enjoy the supernatural-romance genre, but this is the first time i watched a supernatural genre with Onmyōdō as the strongest point of the storyline. Honestly, i like all aspects of the story. The art is pretty good, the animation and the characters pretty well-defined rather than in the manga. The sounds from the show are quite decent and i feel like somehow they are fitting to each moments in the scenes. The first impression i had from the preceeding episodes is the relations of the hero and the heroine are quite interesting even it is still classic,

natsu-haru

but i will watch it till the end (some people said they dropped it in the first half of the story coz it sucks) even i started to feel he was a dense-and-kind type of guy with the girls in his harem (because i don’t really like that kind of development).

But what makes me keep watching it is because of the heroine. I really love Natsume (despite one of my favorite seiyuu is her character’s seiyuu ). I feel like her feelings for Harutora was so sincere and beautiful. She went as far as made a Shikigami called Hokuto, so she coud be near Harutora and gave him support to be an onmyo mage eventhough he didn’t know it was her.

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And above all, half of the story have big developments especially episode 20 when everything felt like turned upside down. The truth came out here. At first, i had thought about the possibilities of Harutora might be the real reincarnation of Yakou, so it wasn’t shocked me that much. But, Natsume died with the heroic action by saving harutora’s life was something and an unimaginably development (I watched this episode until several times!). The overall story almost explained here as the twist started.

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The insert song for this episode is amazingly beautiful. The song helped me feel the sincerity of Natsume’s feelings for Harutora. It really was so beautiful and sincere. Then she finally able to convey her feelings for Harutora with the same sorrowful situation as Hokuto.

hoku-natsu

And once again, Harutora lost his precious childhood friend

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And once again, Harutora lost his precious childhood friend

In the final episode, finally, Natsume revived from the death and opened her eyes (in her dreams). There was Harutora, sitting beside her ♥

Tokyo-Ravens-Harutora-and-Natsume

haruxnatsu kiss
A kiss…
tokyo-ravens go
And a farewell…
Tokyo-Ravens-Anime-Natsume-Wallpaper
So it was a dream… Why does it feel so real?

In the end, It’s sweet yet it’s bittersweet. The twist just started. By Harutora’s leaving, those two are going in their different way.

After all those sweet scenes, why Harutora must leave and abandoned her? what’s the point of reviving her in the first place?. These questions make me curious so bad then desperately looking for the spoilers. Because of the anime is ahead than the manga, so i couldn’t find any spoiler for this except from the continuation of its light novel. So if you are curious about what will happen next, the 10th volume of the light novel has its answers.

I wish Harutora and Natsume will end up together in the end. and for Tokyo Ravens itself, i really hope for season 2 because it really was a great story and oh man, the tiwst just began!!!