When you actually have everything that you need, maybe you will start to feel that you can do anything you want. A super-capable-king-of-anything. Look up! you will find a thousand way to be a cool kid. You will find abundance of information to be anything. Tutorial 101. But then, the question won’t be what else that you need or another thing that you have. Despite all the seem-so-capabilities, what are you right now?. You don’t have any kind of title or had done anything that makes you something. From all the source and capabilities, for all the sweats and knowledge, have you become something?. Except you are willing to be something and prove yourself. You always aim for something high, something great. Since you are already have anything that you need. You have yourself.
But nothing comes off better. You feel that you just stuck. At some point. At the same fuckin point. You proved no worth.
Not going anywhere. Complaining. Why am I still being here? Why can’t I be like them? They don’t have anything like I do why they can be something like that?.
First of all, you expect something out of yourself, with zero effort. And by your own expectation, you are always ungrateful.
When you have done a little achievement, you set your expectation higher. Feeling satisfied over a small thing. But set something beyond your projection. Then you feel disappointed, and blame yourself again.
Without you realizing it, everything that you are doing make you something. There must be something even just a slightest change. it does change you. But you don’t realize it, you are blinded with ambitions.
In my case, everything that i do seems never enough. I have haunted by regrets. For not being able to give my full potentials. For not being able to dare. For lacking determination to do things that I actually wanted. I have resources, financial ability, skills and capability, connections. But I didn’t dare to try. Surrendered to my own restriction. My own walls. I couldn’t let go of any, then i couldn’t make any choice. I could not
But there it it. There’s got to be a way to change this and I believe that. If you wanna change the result, change the way to think about it.
I feel when I was a bashful introvert (even maybe I still am), I didn’t dare to take any chance. Even though I tried several things out but I still played safe. I didn’t voice my opinion. I didn’t dare to. I was skeptical enough to let things be. I didn’t give a damn about everything around me. And there also what was there for myself. It became an auto pilot. Like I didn’t fight for anything actually, even I always tryin to fight for one. That was utterly bullshit.
Change your decision. The result will follow. Anything could happen if you try. But trying for real.
Another thing that will work to raise up your determination is a reminder. Find your supporter if you really cant support yourself mentally. When you are down and feelin helpless, contact them.
Every little brave step that you take you will eventually be braver for another one, trust me.