Are you ready to change?

Have you ever want to change but you feel that you just stay the same?. You were so determined, and ready for whatever your resolutions are. But then you felt nothing. Nothing changed. You wonder and tried to figure out the problem. You found your problem. Maybe it was because of this and that, asking for “why”. After that you ask people for advice. Your friends, family, and everybody who are close to you. You ask your “whys”. Those people then heard you and your problems, offering solutions but, you are still there. Feeling nothing much changed, but maybe you were. Those kind of actions then feel like you just tried to find support of your wrongdoings. 

I always ask my friend about my problem. I said, “i want to be happy. And right now i am not happy.” Then i asked her, Why am i not happy? Why their lives so wonderful? Why am i stilll being like this although i’ve tried to find my happiness several times?. But i am still the same. I always feel that i am not enough, and never be good enough even for myself. I always struggle to find it out. The problem that i have is I do things for the sake of achievement and i am not happy even i actually have a happy life. “You should be grateful”, she said. Well, i didn’t understand what she meant. I always tried to be grateful for everything that god has give me this kind of life. But i am not grateful with my own self. I am not happy. I keep asking the same problem to the people who are my close friends and family. I was envious, all the time. She replied wiith then stop look at other peole’s life. That’s your only key to happiness.

Deep donw inside i know the answer, maybe you do too. But you just could’nt admit such a thing. I am envious with other’s life? No way. But maybe i am. Like you know that all along what you did was wrong, still, you ask. You didn’t even ask the how, you asked for the why. You didnt try to find out your own how. Maybe deep down inside you still enjoy your problem?. Like does asking someone better that acting behalf on it?. And like they said, the people you asked, without you know it they realized that you ask the same question, of all times. And that’s gonna be the same until you decide differently. 

One day, one of my friend who i seek advice gave me a song. 

You can stand on the edge shouting out that you’re ready to change ready to change

You can say what you want

You won’t jump, you’re not ready to change ready to change 

She said “the lyric’s really like you”.

Yes, it’s a Kodaline’s song. About someone who maybe not ready to change. But you want it badly. A change. Without actually know what did you mean at that time.

It was all in your mind.

The feelings after i read the lyrics. Well.. was  i determined?. Maybe she is right. I didn’t change, for most of time, i thought i was change. But then i didn’t. Even though i said i wanted it badly, but i didn’t change anything. Oh, was i not ready for the change, or am i just want to change but not an actual change? A sense of conformity. What was i try to change anyway, what change did i mean anyway. Like, i am still here. And then i said to myself. If i am not really willing (to change), then maybe it’s best not to say anything at all. Like, you don’t need to say that you’re gonna change for your own sake. It’s all for you. If you are not willing then don’t act like you will. It’s hipocrisy and maybe unconsciously your own self knows it. 

I just want to tell everybody who is an introvert and still struggling like me. There’s no necessity in changing. I guess. Even if yourself said you were gonna change for your sake, dont believe it. Instead, try to really heed their advice. Yes, they gave you advice sincerely, even though you didn’t listen to them with sincerity. You just want them to bring you the truth you denied. If they said that you are not happy because of your own thinking then maybe they were right. Try to heed them. Dont do anything the same. Change for real, and not just making a willingness to change, i am currently trying to do that. Their advices were the same to me. But i was still continuing my bad habits. That’s why i am still feeling that nothing’s changed. But you can change, for real, as long as you are more than your willingness to change.


Feeling Passions

A passionate life. Isn’t it really intruiging?. Everytime we are talking about passion, it feels alive, full of energy. Something passionate, that goes for a person’s soul. A passionate living soul, living a passionate life. Yes, and they are talking about passion, like sometimes it’s difficult for some people to have theirs, and easy to another. Today i want to talk about passion. Not just that, a passionate life. I am not going to explain what passion is, but i just want to express how people with passions live a full of living life.

I know that for some reason you want to change something. Going or bragging to have a passionate life, like theirs. You are struggling to find yours. And then maybe you find difficulties find out what your passion is. Maybe you think that those people are surrounded by people with passions too. They have communities within their passions, like passion is their fuel. People who share thoughts with people who believe, who have passions for everything that they are doing. Basically this is just the reason of reason. This is a passionate life, you know.

Having envious of those kind of people. I do have difficulties in finding my passion. I like doing so much things, and i feel that i don’t have any particular thing to call it a passion. But i guess that’s okay. Whatever you like to do, as long as you are happy. Some people tend to screw passion, like why should you decide for several thing that’s going to be your source of energy.

Suddenly I reminded of my friend who I think the most living a passionate life. He’s brave enough to have all the risk. To be everyhting that he wants. I called it, “Live in Passion”. Someone i look up to if it’s about passion. He likes photography, and he lives his life in it. People in my age not much doing things he does. He got so much photography community, and he travels to so many places just to have best shots. He bought his equipment himself (and i really like watching his instagram story). I envy him. Sometimes, i do admit that this is a bad behaviour but i want to live a passionate life like him. It feels that he’s really living his life, you know.

Then i keep thinking about how can i be like him, and try to compare with myself.


First, he doesn’t wait the chance to come.

He givse everything that he has. He always learn and never judge any other people below him or anything.

His presence has meaning, because he contributes something to his commuities, not only just become a part of it. His works are appreciated by most of the people.

He always strive for his own development.

He has focus on whatever he is doing.

He loves his life, he lives it.

So i guess find your own passion doesn’t mean you just can’t find it. Maybe there are things that you just don’t realize it when you are doing something and actually love it. You just gotta learn from this kind of people (well in my case i’m really inspired by this guy). Even so, I want to give a several words for your own. For you who feel that your life is nothing or there’s just no passion in anything that you are doing, no, you are wrong. There must be something. But you need to be passionate enough to find your passion.

You just need to love, and live everything that you are doing right now ❤

Words of the week: “If you can’t let go, then try shooting the stars”

These words don’t mean when you can’t let go of someone, then look at the stars and wondering and wondering. Nope. This is about fighting for more of yourself.

Decision can be hard sometimes. For me, making a decision is really hard. I am greedy enough just to think i should let go the other choice, even though i realize that i won’t do effort that much. I don’t really like pick up preferential. For me, both sides are quite good. That’s why my problem is i couldn’t focus in one particular thing. I don’t like to choose. I like to be everything.

I like to try everything. I guess, i feel that whenever i think that i could do both, or both are practically possible then i will choose them. Even it’s an overwhelming thing, but i like to choose them all. So i did. The problem within this is sometimes you’ll always be in a state of confusion. Choosing everything will makes you wonder then, where will these go?. You have to be straight about your destination. Choosing every side dosen’t mean you lost responsibility to bring it to a specific direction. Make both sides go into your directions, not either way or even half way.

If you really don’t like to choose one, then try to take everything. It doesn’t sound good though, and dosen’t need to be in every case but there will always be a special case. They said that we shouldn’t do everything that we thought we could do, like why should you? It’s even not a necessity. How about why don’t you?. If you believe yourself enough that you can do or be those, then why should you choose? Be everything instead!. There will always be consequence whatever you choose anyway. But choosing either sides won’t be as bad as you think. Your effort will answer them all.

Do you dare? But if you don’t trust yourself enough, then you better watch out! ;).