Your local community on high alert of unsustainability!

I chose my internship program to be with some Non-governmental Organization, that was some kind of my resolution since the first period of my semester. I think it’s really going to be very interesting, since i came from the capital city, so i feel kind of curious about how to live and get to know the rural life and their problems. The way to get that kind of experience is through the NGOs, far from the place i live. With support from my sister who has worked for NGO in seven years of her life, i dare myself to enroll into one. Then what i thought came to be true.

It’s not that i am a nationalist and independent woman. I am actually a selfish spoiled child. So being a volunteer or doing something virtuous is not my thing, though i do care about inequality and social gap. I just like experiencing new things, seeing new things, and discovering new things. Another thing maybe i feel that bureaucracy wont be as fun as NGOs, though it’s preferential. Something different, something that not all the people choose it, something fun, and something real. Actually this is not an NGO who has concern in any particular issue, but more like NGO who does project for the Social Corporate Responsibility or CSR.

I won’t tell you specifically about what i am doing all of the time, but today was one of the most touching story about my experience x my feelings. Today i got to go to a place called “koperasi  desa”, a program for community development by empowering local economy to make the citizen more prosperous, by lending and saving money like what banks do. When i was there, the place was so small, the people there was not much, maybe around 8 women and not much thing they did. To make the project succeed they need to get through the challenges that arise. They didn’t have any sufficient human resource to make it efficient. The environment and the people around there didn’t care about what they were trying to do for them. The project was to grow trust between the citizens of 3 villages to be prosperous by themselves, yet even their community never seem to care much about them.

Shameful, i thought. I am just merely an outsider here, yet i am ashamed of myself. How i am, someone who is more educated, who has the choices, never know something about this. As international relations student who always adapt to think globally, and supposedly, to act locally, forget these kind of area. We cared so much about poverty and issues in developing countries but when your community needs you where are you? That’s something that always on my mind at that time. Why, people in my age never want to hear something like this. In my town, a little bit modernized city, people think only about themselves, their own self development. There was not much commmunity development project like here. But somehow i didn’t see this as a new hope. Where there is a community development program, a community that need to be helped, but then it lacks human resources, especially the youth, who we expect they will be able to make change. The expectation of  higher education in a faraway city didn’t bring any change to their community. The worse, they chose to leave their hometown, like what my friend did. A crisis.

In my internship time here, i want to contribute as much as i can do here. Or maybe what i can say is… rather than, you are trying hard to be something in an unknown place, how about you try to make changes in your own community with your own ability?. To be aware of your own community and their needs, because they actually needs you without you know it!

Baby you should go and Love Yourself <3

Not all those who know me actually know me. I always feel
like I am hiding from everyone. I usually maintain an image that, is not me. A
façade. It happens a lot. I need to be something like, I need to be look like,
and behave like, some standards that I created by myself, for myself. I call it
an idealization. Another verse of me, the ideal verse of myself. It becomes so
complex I couldn’t even tell and feel like who is me and who is not me anymore,
and I need to maintain the façade for everyone. Like I said, an idealization of
myself. Maybe it sounds exaggerating, but don’t worry, I assure you, I am still
sane.

Some night I told my sister about this complex. Maybe she is
the only one who knows me well. I put my pride and reputation within this
façade. It becomes myself. Everything I do if I feel that it’s not supposed to
be like this and if I behave this or that way has a potential to be criticized,
I won’t do that. Moreover, I often feel like I need to do something that I
don’t want to because I feel that I need it, sooner or later. I can’t even do
things that I want, because I have something more urgent, which is not urgent
at all. Then my sister told me it’s all in me. she said, “It’s something about
you. You always try to repress yourself. It’s a wrong thing to let the world
know who you are, and thinking that you should fit into a society by become
another one. You don’t like something but then you force yourself to do it. Don’t
you think that you are so hard on yourself?. To put it simply, you just don’t
love yourself.”

Then it struck me hard. Maybe she was right, maybe it’s the
answer that I’ve sought. (have you ever feel like you repeatedly probing at
yourself but still everything doesn’t seem to answer it?). I realized everything
now. She is, I mean you, who is myself, the one who is a form of my own
idealization always be victimized by myself. Cruel isn’t. I don’t like to put
blame on people or my environment about everything that happen to me. I always
blame myself. For my incapabilities, for my inability to meet my own idealization.
I didn’t defend her and always look down on her. I always ask why did I, why
couldn’t I, this and that, trying to look for blame and never ask for how, how
can we change the situation?.

Therefore, starting from now, I am learning to love myself more. As if a romantic movie, rather than saying that I am sorry for everything I did, I will say that I love you, myself. I will stand with you, accept and embrace you with everything that I have. These are the romantic side that I have, haha. I think loving ourselves can begin by give respect, just be whoever you are, accept yourself no matter what people think and society expects. Appreciate the things that we did, look at the achievements and fulfillment that you ever had, and have a strong mental state. Never ever think, speak, and act negatively toward ourselves and believe in our capability.

Always remember to love your god, family and yourself! If not you, then who?

An Existence and Social Media

Recently i’ve taken an interest about social media. My last lecture was also about social media, though in another perspective. Sometimes i think social media defines who you are. Some people maybe use it for self branding, makes it as an advantage for their lives. They use social media to sell themselves, in a creative way. Makes live your own passion. But on the other side, it creates your own existence.

An existence which is a self made existence. Through social media you are trying to perceive an existence. Wether it’s actually who you are, or not. Your likes, your post, your live, will define you. When you don’t post, especially in a long term basis people may think you just simply doesn’t exist  “there”. Maybe you are an introvert, socially awkward or an ignorant?. There’s just unidentifiable existence.

That goes the same with wherever you are. Having the urge to have some kind of post-able picture. You forgot to enjoy the moment, instead, been busy collecting moments. Places that gives you credits. Places to show that you’ve been there, fascinating towns, proving something. Another way is about people’s presence. Again, proving something by “show up to show off”. You show yourself up “there” just to prove an existence, that you are maybe a somebody. It defines your community, what you are doing, and the people you are working with. A social life. Strive for a chance to be featured on a post, expressing that you are exist. Is there really much more meaning for all of that? I wonder. I started to feel that social media creates existence, and it’s exhausting. Should we go on diet? Balance the oversharing habit, and overcurious about other’s life.

Words of the week: “Your deepest soul is your most dazzling charm”

I like to meet new people. For me, they are interesting cause they must have so many stories I haven’t know before. Personal curiosity, yes. Meeting new people, listening to their stories, are the best part of a new introduction. Their lives, their romance, and how they became someone like this now, everything has yet to be unveiled. On the other side, I have difficulties in maintaining relationship. I don’t like meddling in people’s lives, I don’t like tangled in a complicated relationship. I push people, after I pull them in my life. It’s more lke my ego. It’s hard to  comprehend, but it’s true.

But still, “your dazzling charm is your deepest soul”. I like when someone open themselves, they mean they trust me that much. Therefore, if there’s a person who unveil themselves to you, you shouldn’t break their trust. Moreover, be a good listener. Don’t judge them, accept them. When we listen to a  person’s story, it would mean much for them. Having someone who would listen to all your stories is a good thing, and we should be grateful for that. How we can relate to somebody, give empathy, and understand a person through their stories without judge them by they are. There must be some meaning behind an action, and without asking the truth, there will always be misperception.

Words of the week: “Wonder the Wonders”

Never-ending curiousity. Have you ever feel like everything is so magnificent, makes you never want to stop wondering?. Why does this happen, how, and what are those things?If you really look at it, you’ll find the beauty of all things, even behind the slightest things. If you really want to understand everything that you feel, everything that happened to you, teaches you. Everything that’s there, in front of you, teaches you. Be grateful for the beauty. Be grateful for the wonders.

Words of the week: “1000 miles, 1000 smiles”

When you are in a far away place, far from your hometown, your friends, your family, and your lover. So far it has been 1000 miles from there. When you live in another city, or even another country. You barely know anyone.

You found yourself being alone, and maybe yes it’s scary at first. But then you’ll meet new people, discovering new things, and other fascinating things. Doesn’t it make you happier? I mean, sometimes the distant scares you out, but there will be happiness in the end, like 1000 smiles waiting for you.

It’s not just the distant. It also applies to what you’ve been fighting for. The moment when you are walking. The moment when you are taking one step at a time. The moment  when you are trying. It’s hard, it doesn’t make sense. Makes you undoubtly thinking does it worth the fight? Does it worth the costs? I mean, the length of your journey, does everything work?

When you missed somebody, doesn’t it feel happier when you meet them, the longer you wait for them?.

The point is, why don’t we just embrace the moment?

Every little things. People, Places, Foods, everything.

Feel every second of your journey 🙂

Put that Hard Work on you

Sometimes you heard something like; hard work pays off, hard work never betrays you, and yet you think maybe we just really need to work harder. Sometimes then you’ll be thinking, why should i do hard work, is it really worth?, will it be payoff, and is it worth the fight?. And then you’ll meet some people with their own best of luck, they can get something without having to do hard work, without having the price to pay. Either a luck or, he/she just smart enough to “cheat”, and it doesn’t seem fair enough for you. Why should i be fighting something that doesn’t worth the fight?.

Even when you had done your hard work, will it even be respected? I mean, like i know respect it’s relative. But then, when someone really try to do their best, does it seems like best to you?. Some people will support your hard work, and the other will just laugh at your hardwork. I just don’t get society nowadays. When you intended to do your best like you’ll be judged as ambitious. Therefore sometimes we hide ourselves telling people that “no, i am not trying that hard it’s hillarious”. Being in the common. While maybe without they are knowing you really are trying your best. I just think that maybe it’s the fault of the society nowadays that doesn’t let us do whatever we want. Those who do hard work always seems pathethic like do you even need to go that far?. Feels like blaming yourselves for doing hard work. Makes you think twice about its worthiness.

Here i don’t mean to discourage people to do hard work. Then, how about doing hard in a cool way? Have you ever imagined that you are actually trying hard without their judgement? I never have the thought of doing hardwork in a cool way. Does being passionately living your life is a hard work in a cool way?. I like to hear your opinion about hard work in a  cool way. Feel free to comment!.

Go Get There!

Sometimes i feel like i am restraining myself to go to the point where i need to be there, like i should have finished some business and then i can finally go there. But then i think that maybe i was wrong all this time. “Evertyhing doesn’t need to be in line”

There are priorities, but it doesn’t mean you need to wait for everything that you want just because you have priority. The secret is, everything can happen together and we can make it happen!

If you want to get to some point, you don’t need to go all the way through to get there. There should be some kind of shortcut where you actually know that you need to get there, without having to meddling in the middle of the way. Just get there!

Information Anxiety and the Dilemma of Values

Sometimes there are the feelings when you are a muslim but in the other side, you are also an international relations student. This subject requieres you to be open minded, as wide as possible. But then you have your values, your faith in your religion, what it has been thaught you as a person. Basic principles, and life guidelines. I mean it’s not should be a hindrance in your process, but then sometimes i think that all the process of thinking is not value free. For me, there is anxiety when i read something, a source that i need to rely on, but then there must be bias, no matter what it is. And yet we need to rely on that, because they, i mean common people regard it as a fact. Wether it’s actually counterfactual or not, we may never know. The power relatives in discourse.

You should be glad when actually you have a conservative family. They would filter the facts for you. As a person who should see everything in many perspectives, it won’t be enough. In my opinion, it happens most when there is a, political situation, let’s call it an election, and then one of them representing your religion values, and then the other side talking about realities and facts, calling for people that we should not be bias because of our religion. When you choose the conservative, then you are a radical, and when you choose the other you are a sinner, they said. For me, values come first. Wether you choose to be a secular, it’s your choice. Political preference is a freedom. But i do hope that people respect more. Stop sharing hate comments about each candidate, in my opinion it’s disrespectful. You can criticize, but don’t spread the hate, spread the love instead.